What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
