Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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