I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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