Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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