I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am one with the molecules
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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