Your face is a jimmy john
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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