So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
