how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
