I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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