With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
