i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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