Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize