wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My ass is underappreciated
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
