She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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