Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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