But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
