After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
