I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
