so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
