I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
