so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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