and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
