At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
