Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
