hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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