I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
