3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
