I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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