Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
