just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
