just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
