Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
