just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need water and some morals
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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