I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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