I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
