Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
