The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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