It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
