Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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