I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
