what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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