Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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