before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
