Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
