ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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