I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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