my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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