Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
