Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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