SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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