Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
