So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
