girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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