roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
