Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
