Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
