What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
