The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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