That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
