He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm both gender and math confused
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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