Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
