Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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