The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
