Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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