if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
