i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
