im holly from the hills drunk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
