the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize