Plan B is the new Plan A
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
