Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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