you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
