somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
