you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
