My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
