im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
